The Battle of Maldon AD2019

by Matt Tiller

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about

I went for a walk in Maldon and fell over rather badly. This is a song about that fateful incident...

lyrics

In Nine Hundred and Ninety One in the Year of our Lord
A fearsome battle twixt Saxons and a Viking Horde
One thousand and twenty eight years later
On the same site I met my fate ‘argh’

I heard my wife turn and cry ‘oh shit’
My husband’s fallen arse over tit
With the grace of an ice dancing Todd Carty
Now my face is like an 80s pop video nasty

I’m a black eyed boy not a black eyed pea
I don’t like Texas, Will I Am, the other ones and Fergie
Slipped on some concrete steps In Maldon by the sea
Don’t know my arse from my elbow ankle or knee

You got something to rub into my wounds?
A tissue or wipe, please not the local produce
Now, I know this accident was mostly my fault
But it was a Maldon Sea Assault

Just like the Saxon Ealdorman Byrtnoth
I’ve fallen but at least my head’s not been lopped off
By the Vikings here to slaughter us like lambs
I bet Byrtnoth never stumbled while posting on instagram

I’m a black eyed boy not a black eyed pea
I don’t like Texas, Will I Am, the others and Fergie
Slipped on some concrete steps In Maldon by the sea
Don’t know my arse from my elbow ankle or knee

Fear not, this is not as long as that poem so epic
But it tells a tale that is just as heroic
Cos Byrtnoth let those Vikings cross the causeway an epic fail
The battle lost, that Saxon’s decision worse than mine not to hold the hand rail

credits

released September 20, 2019

license

all rights reserved

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about

Matt Tiller UK

Hello. I am a comic songwriter described as ‘Hilarious’ by New Statesman and ’Sharp and astutely observed’ by British Comedy Guide. I write and performs personal, observational and political songs. My controversial tune, We’re In This Together, garnered some great reviews; Indie Band Guru wrote, ‘Looking away from the astounding melody and tune, the lyrics themselves are hysterical.’ ... more

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